(align:"<==")+(box:"===XXXXX==")[Tom is 37 and has a chip on his shoulder. Three words describe Tom: (b4r:"double","double","double","double")+(b4r-colour:black,black,black,black)[//Disgruntled. Dissatisfied. Disenchanted.//] Want to know more? [[Yes]] [[No]] [[Don't care|No]]]

(align:"<==")+(box:"===XXXXX==")+ (text-colour:white)[Once, Tom had been: (b4r:"double","double","double","double")+(b4r-colour:black,black,black,black)[//Happy. Helpful. Hopeful.//] What happened? Why won't Tom win 'employee of the month'? ] (align:"<==")+(box:"===XXXXX==") [[[He lost a winning lottery ticket?|Reason]] or [[He suffered a heartrending tragedy?|Reason]] or [[He couldn't do something?|Reason]]]

(bg:(gradient: 0, 0,#ffffff,0.8054,#888888,1,#ffffff))[(text-colour:black)[Sorry, life often doesn't give us our first choice, or second choice for that matter. ]]

(align:"<==")+(box:"===XXXXX==")+ (text-colour:white) [''DISSAPPOINTMENT'' was the reason. Tom had been told ''"No"'' [[GCHQ]] won't employ him. Yes, his coding skills are outstanding. Yes, his analytical skills are exceptional. No, he can't fulfil his dream of becoming a spy. So, did [[GCHQ]] say "No" because]'' (align:"<==")+(box:"===XXXXX==")[[[Security checks revealed something in Tom's background?|Who knows]] or [[Profiling checks indicated something regarding Tom's character?|Who knows]] or [[Background searches discovered something about Tom's finances?|Who knows]]]

(text-colour:black)[Who knows. Tom didn't. They didn't tell him. They didn't say why they smashed his dream. So, here he is. It's Monday morning, and Tom's phone (text-rotate-z:330)+(text-colour:black)+(text-style:"rumble")[rings] (text-rotate-z:15)+(text-colour:black)+(text-style:"rumble")[rings] (text-rotate-z:330)+(text-colour:black)+(text-style:"rumble")[rings]] (text-colour:black)[Should he answer?] [[Yes|Yes answer]] [[No|No don't answer]]

(align:"===><==")+(text-colour:black)[Tom answers.] (align:"===><==")+(box:"===XXXXX==")+(text-colour:black)[ //"Tom! I need your help. I keep getting error messages. My data needs uploading by mid-day." The voice is desperate. It's//] --- [(align:"===><==")[[JESS from finance]](text-colour:black)[.......................................................................or ]] --- [(align:"===><==")[[PHIL from despatch]](text-colour:black)[........................................................................or ]] --- (align:"===><==")[[ESTER from HR]] --- [(align:"===><==")[["Error code?"]][(align:"===><==")+(text-colour:black)[ Tom demands.]] ---

(text-colour:black)[His phone](text-colour:black)+(text-style:"rumble")[(text-rotate-z:330)[rings] (text-rotate-z:15)[rings] (text-rotate-z:330)[rings](text-rotate-z:15)[rings](text-rotate-z:330)[rings](text-rotate-z:15)[rings]] [[Yes answer]] [[No still don't answer]]

(text-colour:black)[His phone ][(text-colour:black)+(text-style:"rumble")+(text-rotate-z:330)[rings](text-colour:black)+(text-style:"rumble")+(text-rotate-z:15)[rings] (text-rotate-z:330)+(text-colour:black)+(text-style:"rumble")[rings](text-rotate-z:15)+(text-colour:black)+(text-style:"rumble")[rings] (text-rotate-z:330)+(text-colour:black)+(text-style:"rumble")[rings](text-rotate-z:15)+(text-colour:black)+(text-style:"rumble")[rings](text-rotate-z:330)+(text-colour:black)+(text-style:"rumble")[rings](text-rotate-z:15)+(text-colour:black)+(text-style:"rumble")[rings](text-rotate-z:330)+(text-colour:black)+(text-style:"rumble")[rings]] [[Quick, the director is coming|Yes answer]]

(text-colour:black) [Tom fancied his chances. He asked Jess out. Jess said "No" (several times). Jess dislikes Tom. Tom tells himself that Jess likes him.] [[Back|Yes answer]]

(text-colour:black) [Tom, is nervous around Phil. He isn't sure about Phil. He doesn't know what Phil is thinking. Phil is mostly thinking about fishing and retiring in 523 days.] [[Back|Yes answer]]

(text-colour:black) [Tom usually ignores Ester. He thinks Ester is stupid. Ester is very clever. She watches. She problem solves. Ester never needs to ask for help.] [[Back|Yes answer]]

###(align:"===><==")+(text-colour:black)[Tom says] ---- [["Someone's missing me. I'm coming."|Help Jess]] ---- [["A VLOOKUP formatting error. I'm your guy."|Help Jess]] --- [["On my way, Gorgeous."|Help Jess]] ----

###(align:"===><==")+(text-colour:black)[Tom says] ---- [["A VLOOKUP issue! It's a wrong product code. You find it."|Help Phil]] ---- [["I haven't got time. You sort it."|Help Phil]] ---- [["Your deadline is your deadline. Check your data."|Help Phil]] ----

###(align:"===><==")+(text-colour:black)[Tom says] ---- [["I'll fix it."|Help Ester]] ---- [["Just a simple VLOOKUP problem. I'll fix it."|Help Ester]] ---- [["Leave it, I'll fix it."|Help Ester]] ----

(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[Did Tom fix things for Jess? No one knows because Jess left early. Now, it's Tuesday. Jess is off sick. Tom isn't in.] (text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[//''(b4r:"dotted")+(b4r-size:2.8)+(b4r-colour:black)[Is Tom sick too?]''//] (bg:white)[[Yes|Finance outcome]] (bg:white)[[No|Finance outcome]] (bg:white)[[Who knows?|Finance outcome]]

(bg:white)+(text-colour:black)[''Later that day'' Tom goes pale. He repeatedly switches his computer off and on.] (text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[//'' (b4r:"dotted")+(b4r-size:2.8)+(b4r-colour:black)[Why?]''//] (bg:white)[--- [[His screen has frozen.|Help Ester]] --- [[He's forgotten his password.|Help Ester]] --- [[Hackers have taken over.|Help Ester]] --- [[None of these.|HR outcome]] ---]

(bg:white)+(text-colour:black)[So, the problem in despatch isn't fixed. Phil can't fix it, and Tom won't help. 14 orders are shipped. On Thursday Phil discovers all 14 were incorrect. Wasted resources, reputational damage, Phil's temper - there's no escape. Phil goes to the top. Tom has had 4 verbal and 2 written warnings. Tom has got no chances left.] (bg:white)+(text-colour:black)[//(b4r:"dotted")+(b4r-size:2.8)+(b4r-colour:black)[''Who'll tell Tom?'']//] (bg:white)[[[Phil wants to.|Despatch outcome]]]

(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[No one knows what's wrong. Tom can't log on the system. Strange. But when the police arrive and arrest him everybody finds out. Ester's the hero. She spotted subtle macro changes. She realised company funds were disappearing. Today she tested her theory. She monitored Tom checking his fraud was 'hidden'. She acted.] (bg:white)+(text-colour:red)[(b4r:"dotted")+(b4r-size:2.8)+(b4r-colour:black)[''So, were there SIGNS that Tom would do this?'']] (bg:white)[[Yes, some people knew.|GCHQ2]]

(bg:white)+(text-colour:black)[At interview Tom had seemed the best person for the job.]] (bg:white)+(text-colour:red)[''//(b4r:"dotted")+(b4r-size:2.8)+(b4r-colour:black)[So, were there WARNINGS that Tom would end up sacked?]//'']] (bg:white)[[[Yes, some people knew.|GCHQ3]]]

(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[No one knows, but later a courier delivers a letter for the director.] (text-colour:purple)+(bg:white)[// Dear Mr Jones, I am making a formal complaint about the sexual harassment Tom Hindley has subjected me to. It started on 12.12.2022, when I first declined a date with him. I attach details of all incidents, including the one yesterday which was witnessed by James Cartwright.. Under the Equality Act 2010 it is unlawful to subject someone to sexual harassment. Please explain how you will address this extremely serious matter. Yours sincerely, Jessica Fisher Finance Officer//] (text-colour:red)+(bg:white)[//''(b4r:"dotted")+(b4r-size:2.8)+(b4r-colour:black,black,black)[So, were there RED FLAGS indicating Tom would behave like this?]''//] (bg:white)[[Yes, some people knew.|GCHQ1]]

(text-colour:black)[''GCHQ - partial redaction'' (bg:black)[Applicant - Tom Harley] Ref 345/AW000567 Screening Summary (text-style:"double-underline")[Character Profile] Social media searches reveal extensive misogynistic activities. Category A offensive material downloads. (text-style:"wavy-underline")[Risk Level 100/100] (bg:black)[(text-style:"double-underline")[Background Security] Clean Police record Previous employers and educational providers indicate subject has low respect for authority, rules and routines. Not a team player (text-style:"wavy-underline")[Risk level 81/100]] (bg:black)[(text-style:"double-underline")[Financial Status] Extensive debts, including payday loans. Online gambling addiction. (text-style:"wavy-underline")[Risk Level 100/100]] Offer employment No / ~~Yes~~]] [[And?|The End]]

#(align:"===><==")+(text-colour:white)[The voice answers "Error code #N/A"] (align:"===><==")+(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[//Tom smiles// ](align:"===><==")+(bg:white)[["OK Jess"]] (align:"===><==")+(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[//Tom frowns//](align:"===><==")+(bg:white)[["OK Ester"]] (align:"===><==")+(text-colour:black)+(bg:white)[//Tom sighs//](align:"===><==")+(bg:white)[["OK Phil"]]

(text-colour:red)[//''VLOOKUP is one of Excel’s most useful functions. It’s also probably the least understood.''//] [[Back|Cover]]

(text-colour:red)[//''#N/A is an Excel error message. It indicates that something is incorrect or missing.''//] [[Back|Cover]]

(enchant:?page,(bg:(gradient: 0, 0,#ffffff,0.9451,#000000,1,#ffffff))) #(text-style:"bold")[[VLOOKUP]] #(text-style:"bold")[[`#N/A`|Error meaning]] (text-colour:black)[//and//] #(text-style:"bold")[[Tom]] (text-colour:black)[//By//]''[[ Mary Scott|Me]]'' (text-colour:black)[//Let's//] [[read|Start]] (text-colour:black)[//on//]

(text-colour:red)[//''Tom Hindley Lecxe Supplies - IT Support Technician. Primary contact for all company IT-related issues.''//] [[Back|Cover]]

(enchant:?page,(bg:(gradient: 0, 0,#ffffff,0.9451,#000000,1,#ffffff))) (bg:white)+(text-colour:black)[(b4r:"dotted")+(b4r-size:2.8)+(b4r-colour:black)[What else does GCHQ know about Tom?]] (bg:white)[[Tell me more|"Error code?"]] Background images Adobe Express Further examples of my writing can be found on my website www.talesandthoughts.uk

(text-colour:black)[//I used to create spreadsheets, now I write Twines. Life's good.//] [[Back|Cover]]

(text-colour:black)[''GCHQ - partial redaction'' (bg:black)[Applicant - Tom Harley] Ref 345/AW000567 Screening Summary (bg:black)[(text-style:"double-underline")[Character Profile] Social media searches reveal extensive mysogynistic activities, including the downloading of category A offensive material. (text-style:"wavy-underline")[Risk Level 100/100]] (bg:black)[(text-style:"double-underline")[Background Security] Clean Police record Previous employers and educational providers indicate subject has low respect for authority, rules and routines. Not a team player (text-style:"wavy-underline")[Risk level 81/100]] (text-style:"double-underline")[Financial Status] Extensive debts. Payday loans. Online gambling. (text-style:"wavy-underline")[Risk Level 100/100] Offer employment No / ~~Yes~~]] [[And?|The End]]

(text-colour:black)[''GCHQ - partial redaction'' (bg:black)[Applicant - Tom Harley] Ref 345/AW000567 Screening Summary (bg:black)[(text-style:"double-underline")[Character Profile] Social media searches reveal extensive mysogynistic activities, including the downloading of category A offensive material. (text-style:"wavy-underline")[Risk Level 100/100]] (text-style:"double-underline")[Background Security] Clean Police record Previous employers and educational providers indicate low respect for authority. (text-style:"wavy-underline")[Risk level 81/100]] (text-colour:black)+(bg:black)[(text-style:"double-underline")[Financial Status] Extensive debts, including payday loans. Online gambling addiction. (text-style:"wavy-underline")[Risk Level 100/100]] (text-colour:black)[Offer employment No / ~~Yes~~]] [[And?|The End]]

(text-colour:red)[//The UK's intelligence, security, and cyber agency.//] [[Back|Reason]]

↶

↷

VLOOKUP

#N/A

and

Tom

Mary Scott

Let's

read